WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?

Have you ever heard it said, “Where are your manners?  I have!  I heard it when I was growing up, from my mother, my grandmother, my father, grandfather and assorted grown folks.  If you did not open the door for a girl, or if there was only one chair and you took it instead of offering it to the girl or an older person, you heard about it.  If you passed someone on the street and forgot or did not speak, and if you received a gift from someone and neglected saying “thank you,” you were asked:  “Where are your manners?”  If a grown up had to ask you to be polite you were in trouble.  Somehow, word of it always got back to your parents.  I worked hard to make sure bad news was never sent back to my folks.  When I walked down my grandmother’s street, I had to speak to everyone sitting out on their front porch.  As I walked down the street on my way to Mr. Crawford’s store I spoke to folks all the way there.  “Howdy Miss Minnie; How you Miss Culpepper; How do you do  Mr. Hooper; Morning Uncle Mike (Not my real uncle; Hello Miss Washington.”  It always took me thirty to forty minutes to travel what should have taken only fifteen.  Not only did I have to speak to everybody, I had to answer questions too.   “How yo’ grand mama doing?  Yo’ mama okay?  How you doin’ in school?  What grade you in now?  Yo’ daddy still at that same job?  Tell yo’ grand mama come see me,” and so on.  When I reached Mr. Crawford’s store, I greeted him with, “Howdy Mr. Crawford.”  His reply was, “Hello son.  How’s your grandmother?”  “Fine,” I’d said.  Then he would always call my grandmother’s name like he was addressing her:  “And now what can I get for Miss Alice?”  I would tell him, and he’d fill the order and hand the sack to me.  Then he would say, “Now don’t lose that bill, and tell Miss Alice hello for me.”  It was always the same.  Automatic.  My reply was always:  “Yes sir.  Bye.”   To have ‘Good Manners’ was not hard for us.  A display of good manners was automatic.  We were taught from birth, and did not have to think about using good manners.  We did what we knew to do, and what we saw all around us. 

      There were grown-ups who may not have deserved respect or our good manners, but we did not go against our teachings.  We used good manners even with those who may not have deserved it.  Today, it seems as though good manners no longer matters.  What use to be considered commonplace and is now the exception.  If a young person gives up his seat on the train to a girl or older person, we are surprised.  If a young man holds the door for a girl, we are shocked.  Somehow our society has given our young people the impression that nice guys finish last.  Some believe that it is all right to be rude, crude and mean, if you can back it up.  Others believe that good manners are not necessary as long as you can deliver or you have money.  In some cases it is believed that you must have a reason to use good manners, otherwise, you can do your own thing with no regard for manners.  Once I asked a new neighbor if he would please not park his work truck in front of my house, because I wanted to keep that space free for my family and guests.  I was told that the street, even that part in front of my house, belonged to all tax paying citizens.  He said that as a taxpayer, he could park on any part of the street he wanted.  He told me that the company he worked for paid more taxes than all of the families on the street put together.  Then he walked across the street to his house and left his work truck parked in front of my house.  He may have had a legal right to do that, but in the spirit of good manners, he failed the “good neighbor test.”  It was clear to me and to my family that he would rather be right than show good manners, or be a good neighbor.  As a result of his lack of good manners, and his bad attitude; he was shunned and ignored by almost everybody in the neighborhood.  

      Has common courtesy become uncommon?  Are good manners a thing of the past?  I don’t think so.  But we do need improvement.  If there is an opportunity to teach good manners by example, we should take that opportunity.  Our children develop good habits by observing our good habits.  If we have good manners, they will in turn have good manners.  If we use bad language, talk bad about people, play loud music with no regard to others around us or just have a general disrespect for people and their property, our children will do the same.  They will, because we teach them to be just like us and do exactly what we do.  It’s not their fault.  It’s ours.  In our society, good manners, begins with us, with you and with me.  We should teach our children by showing them the strength and power of good manners.